A genuine question an MRKHer asked me recently.

My answer?

Yes. But it takes time.

That “time” is not something that can be easily defined. It’s something that will vary for everyone. It’s a process that only when you are in it do you know what it might take to feel easier.

But critically finding support around you and sharing those feelings and experiences is a big part of your journey to finding a peace with the diagnosis and everything that comes with it.

It never goes away. Not completely.

That can make it feel overwhelming, annoying event, but at the same time we learn to grow with it and around it in a way that it doesn’t occupy so much space anymore.

When I was diagnosed, the thought of it ever feeling ok was a dream. Everything felt like a hurdle to process and a challenge I wasn’t ready for. So much of those early years was “why me?”.

I didn’t know how to feel at the start, I am not sure any of us did or do. The time it takes to hit is not always instant. We might also not be in the frame of mind to accept it and push it down into the depths until it is just too much to bear (FYI not an ideal approach to managing).

It could be a specific trigger that really hammers it home or its just always been there waiting to be addressed. I think that’s what it was for me.

Something waiting in the wings niggling away until it got to the point I needed support.

I met another MRKHer when I was dilating in the hospital and suddenly I had someone who I could chat to and share how crap it all was without judgement. That’s not to say I ever felt judgement from others, but more that the fear of that, the fear of someone not understanding something I was struggling to communicate myself, made it harder to share in those early years.

A smile can hide a lot.

By speaking to her though I found a connection. I found a wider support group through the hospital and suddenly those feelings I had didn’t feel as big as they had when it was just me.

They were still there but I realised that not being the only one to ask the questions like “how do you handle baby showers”, what do you say when people ask “do you want kids?” etc became something I could learn from as much as then being able to contribute to myself in time.

It wasn’t about being public with my diagnosis, that was something I chose to do later because I wanted to (very important to always do it for you), but it was about knowing that within that safe space that openness made a difference.

Being able to be honest with yourself and know that nothing you say will be a surprise or silly but will resonate in some way, has an importance not to be undervalued.

So yes it does get easier. It really does. Even if right now it doesn’t feel like it ever will. It just takes time and that’s an annoying thing to say but its true. We are human at the end of the day. We have emotion and we all feel things differently, even if our diagnoses are the same.

It’s not about comparison to others its about being ok with being on our path and knowing you don’t have to do it alone.

Charlie Xx