My journey started in 1991. I went to the doctors as I had not started my periods, back then I was very shy, sensitive and anxious 16 year old. My friends had started , my sister too and I was worried “why not me?”. My Nan was a late developer and didn’t start her periods until she was 18 years old, so this was taken into consideration and put my mind at rest a little, but deep down inside I just knew something wasn’t quite right!
My GP was lovely and very understanding and referred me to see a gynaecologist. Finally after 6 months of waiting I got an appointment through. We discussed that it could be quite possible that maybe my hymen hadn’t split naturally. I could have surgery to fix it. We also discussed having a laparoscopy at the same time.
I had to wait a further 6 months to have the planned operation then had to wait a further 6 weeks to be told , “sorry we didn’t do the planned operation” the reason was they couldn’t see my reproductive system! ( absent of womb, etc….. just ovaries) I was shocked, my mum demanded a scan, this took a further 6 months. The results were again the same through a ultrasound which showed an Infantile Uterus. After some discussion and by this point we had the option to go Private. We then decided the best plan was to have a MRI scan, this time I only had to wait 2 wks for my results………
I will never forget the day I found out. I came home from college, the phone rang ( it was my Dr) I answered downstairs, my mum answered upstairs and I stayed on the line while I heard my mum and my Dr discuss the results of the scan……. I was indeed born without the whole reproductive system, but had two ovaries, and only one kidney, slightly bigger than a normal size, on my right hand side.
I remember putting the phone down, went into my living room, picked up a newspaper and tried to read it, but instead tears filled my eyes and I just felt completely numb.
My Mum came into the room and just held my hand and said how sorry she was. I was in total shock. I was towards the end of my 1st year at college studying childcare, my whole life turned upside down!!!…….. I was devastated, heart broken, scared and frightened for what lay ahead……………
I would wake up every day and my first thought of the day would be ” OMG I can’t have children!, my life is over!!!!” ( This remained with me for roughly 1-2 yrs after my diagnosis.)
In the sept of 1993 I went private and met a wonderful Gynaecologist (she looked like Duchess of Kent), she explained my condition. We discussed what options I had. Either surgery to lengthen my vagina or use dilators. My vagina was only thumb nail in depth. I opted for dilation. My treatment took me approx 6 mths, in which my vagina had stretched to 7cms.
During my treatment I also saw a therapist, she was absolutely amazing!!! At first I didn’t want to talk to a stranger about my situation, but after my first visit where my Mum came along with me too, she made me feel at ease and I could open up to her completely! She did wonders for my confidence and helped me to grieve and accept the loss that I would never carry a child.
When I first met her she asked me what did I have instead of a uterus?….. my answer was ” a empty black hole!!!” At the end of my therapy she asked me again and my answer was this:-
” A meadow full of rabbits, birds, flowers and butterflies!!” To this day I still say the same thing!!! She made a negative feeling into a positive one and made me realise I could live again!!!!!
During the time of my treatment I did not have a boyfriend. After treatment I had a boyfriend. We dated for 2yrs. The last 6 mths of our relationship we started having sex. (he wasn’t my first as I tried to have sex when I was 16 before I found out I had MRKH and before any investigations started). My boyfriend was unable to penetrate fully because the length of my vagina. Then I met my 3rd boyfriend…. who is my Hubby now. He was 18 years old. I was nearly 20 years old and when we first had intercourse it was very special and we were able to create a suitable length. I shared with him about MRKH, he was so supportive and understanding. It felt so right to tell him about me. It was a very emotional moment and we both cried and hugged each other. He is my rock, my soul mate, my best friend, and hubby rolled into one!!!!!! ( We have been married 17 yrs this July and together for 26 yrs this April.) I had periods of depression up until I was about 23yrs when I suffered a nervous breakdown which was a horrid time for me.
About 15yrs ago I changed, I didn’t like myself the way I was and I wanted to change for ME!!! I wanted to be more confident, wanted to respect myself, recognise my worth and know that I am a special person who has a lot to offer!
Today I am a strong, positive, happy go lucky woman. I’m confident, love life and excited to share awareness of MRKH. I’ve also read “Rokitansky” by Alice Darwin. which was very heart warming as well as sad. I’d highly recommend it. It has helped me become an even more confident and stronger MRKH warrior!!
Today I’m 45 , I have 3 God children, I have 2 sisters who have given me 3 Nieces, and 1 nephew between them. They are my world, and I adore them as if they were my own children. I also work as a Nursery Nurse in the Pre- school room. When I’m around children I call myself Mary Poppins! Children are important to me, but at the same time I have come to realise that there is more to life than having children be the centre of my life!
I’m happy with my balance of children in my life, I get to care for them during the day and spare time is for my family, and friends who are with or without children. I feel extremely blessed and would not change my life and have it any other way!
My aim is to help others, especially newly diagnosed girls! Time is a great healer and all my MRKH sisters who I’ve met and know on line due to social media are my true inspiration they make me feel truly complete and I know that I’m not alone anymore. They are indeed my biggest therapist!
For anyone reading this who is struggling , hang in there, stay strong, you’ve got this!
I’m a MRKH Warrior!
I’m 1 in 5,000!
I’m strong and proud!